A Ballet for (mostly) Very Short Dancers: The Hobbit in Three Acts

The traditional three-act story ballet is a timeless form. From Giselle to Dracula, the appeal of the danced narrative has endured the slings and arrows of cruel modernism and the arch laughter of the po-mo. Since story ballets are the money-making bread and butter of most ballet companies and are especially crucial to the well-being of small, regional or civic companies, and because of the recent success of such fare as The Lion King and The Little Mermaid, I propose that a series of ballets based on popular fantasy literature be developed for performance by your typical small, semi-pro or amateur ballet company; heavy on roles for short people (e.g., child performers).  I envision such hits as The Harry Potter Suite (a condensation of the seven novels); Star Wars Lake (an interlude based on fan fiction); and of course Where’s Waldo Now? (in which audience participation plays a critical role in the form of texting in guesses as to what scene from which famous ballet Waldo has invaded).

Not this kind of hobbit.

Just to give a sense of how this would all work, here are program notes to The Hobbit: a ballet in three acts.

ACT I

Scene 1: Bag End

Bilbo (likely played by a pre-adolescent girl) enters, capering youthfully, but when he realizes that the audience is watching, he assumes a more ponderous and mature air. We see him being domestic; a dance with a broom as his partner is whimsical, while a short coda featuring a dishrag and some teacups charms us.

Gandalf appears, upstage left, in a cloud of smoke. A great deal of pantomime ensues, its meaning obscure to all but those intimately familiar with Tolkien. Gandalf performs the famous “pipe dance” solo.

Exit Gandalf. Bilbo dances a mournful waltz.

Scene 2: The arrival of the Dwarves

The dwarves arrive in twos and threes; they dance wildly around the stage, throwing props such as plates and antimacassars as Bilbo flutters about ineffectually.

Thorin dances the famous “King of the Dwarves Variation” and with help from the corps of dwarves (played by small girls wearing beards and pointe shoes), relates the tale of the Dwarves of Lonely Mountain, complete with a battle scene involving a dragon.

Scene 3: The departure

A party on the village green features variations representing the different races of Middle Earth; entertainments include the Waltz of the Wood Elves, the Ranger’s Rondo, the Gondor Gavotte, the Orc Fire Dance, and the Hobbit Pas-de-Trois. If you are not familiar with this episode from the novel, just deal with it.

Bilbo and the Dwarves leave Hobbiton to the distress of the Hobbits. Some of Bilbo’s relatives are eager to occupy Bag End. Gandalf appears upstage left in a cloud of smoke, and the lights go out.

ACT II

Nils Blommér, Ängsälvor, 1850 -- appropriately Nordic (Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 1: Un ballet blanc

Bilbo, alone, wanders onto stage and lies down. He falls asleep. To the haunting strains of harp music, the corps-de-ballet enters in a slow and stately procession, all in white. Who are these ghostly ladies? What are they doing in The Hobbit? How does this fit into the story? Stop asking such pointless questions.

Scene 2: The Gollum Pas-de-Deux

For the purposes of this ballet and in order to accommodate the usual male-female ratios of civic ballet companies, the character of Gollum has been transformed into an elfin maiden named Annabelle. Annabelle rescues Bilbo when he is lost in the mountains; they dance a touching pas-de-deux which culminates with Annabelle bestowing a magical ring on Bilbo, etcetera. Since we are not planning on setting The Lord of the Rings as a ballet, this total derailment of Tolkien’s plot doesn’t matter, so enough with your objections. Just applaud when Annabelle performs eighty-four fouetté turns with the help of a little CGI and video editing.

Scene 3: The Eagle Scene

Set to the Steve Miller Band’s “Fly Like an Eagle,” this is a “lyrical-modern” piece in which the dwarves, Bilbo, and Gandalf take flight using stage magic (harnesses) and a bunch of people in really ugly costumes (goblins) roll around on the floor and gesticulate wildly.

ACT III: The rest of the story

Scene 1: The Wood Elves

Nothing much actually happens during this scene, except that there’s some great choreography for the corps, some good solos for senior company members, and we don’t have to watch Bilbo and the Dwarves do much dancing. If you’ve read the book, you know what happens with the Wood Elves anyway. The scene ends with Bilbo and the Dwarves being rolled offstage in barrels by the water sprites (we reused the Dewdrop Fairy costumes from our Nutcracker).

Scene 2: The Lonely Mountain

Bilbo enters the mountain. There’s a lot of stage business involving a giant mechanical dragon. Oh yeah, and Bilbo is invisible, so we don’t actually have to see him dance. The Gold Coin Fairies, a group of our youngest students, are incredibly cute as they tumble about on stage and wave to their moms and dads in the audience.

Scene 3: Laketown

Heartwrenching drama as Smaug nearly destroys the town. Heroics. Throw in a girl who’s not in the book as a love interest for the guy who shoots the dragon. A big wedding dance with more “ethnic” variations, including the memorable “Toast Fairy Variation.”

Coda: Hobbiton

Bilbo returns home – he dances a jolly pas-de-deux with Gandalf for the last time, and throws his unpleasant relatives out of Bag End. He slips on the ring, and vanishes.

Hey look what The Guardian published just days after I posted this! What's your fantasy story ballet?

Toast fairy... fairy toast... big diff!