Mirror, mirror

I try to avoid looking in the mirror all the time in class. Not only is it bad form, but it seems somehow morally reprehensible to me. I'm sure that this is some kind of manifestation of the hypocritical anxiety about narcissism that haunts our solipsistic society (after all, I'm no different than any other blogger/social media user in that part of the pleasure of engaging with these things is knowing that one is out there, visible). But it is also about how hard it is to concentrate on what your body is doing when your watching your body doing it in a mirror (the reversal of the image, etc.). On the other hand, the mirror provides the primary tool for self-correction. It may be I do not look in it often enough.

So, it was weird, this morning, to find in my e-mail inbox some photographs that were taken during one of the adult classes I took in New York. The photographer, Arthur Coopchik, has been compiling images of his wife's students in class, just their faces and upper torso usually, presumably in the interest of studying the moods or expressions of people absorbed in a deeply bodily discipline. Here is his website: http://www.acoopchik.com/. I won't post any of his photos, since you can see them there under "Kat Wildish Class," -- he was kind enough to send me my own pictures, though I very much doubt he will post any of them, since they're not really very lyrical.

Some of the photographs he has taken of other dancers seem to me deeply moving; my own photos, however, just made me feel a bit elderly and unbeautiful. I look so awkward!

Naturally, like most dancers, I am probably my own cruelest critic. But all I can see is my stiff neck, my high shoulders, my bent elbow, the way I stick out my thumbs like a hitchhiker, and the crepey skin on my triceps. Oh, and also how dumpy I look in my favorite leotard and knit shorts. Why are photographs so unkind?

However, as the fashionista Tory Burch says, "negativity is noise," I am going to try to mine these pictures for a positive outcome. There is this -- if I can see the error of my ways, I can work on improving. So, tonight, I will focus on my shoulders. I will look in the mirror and I will ask myself, "are you really standing up straight, or are you still at the keyboard?" I will dance to liberate myself from the mouse pad! And next week, I will move on to extending my arms. In the meantime, perhaps I should start doing some pushups.